koneko_desu (koneko_desu) wrote,

So...another step forward in life

 Recently I just moved.  In my previous apartment I had a Japanese roommate and a Chinese roommate.  In my new apartment I have just one Chinese roommate.  My Japanese roommate is returning from Japan today, my previous Chinese roommate returned to China on Friday.  My new Chinese roommate is currently away for awhile on a trip.

I've noticed that recently, after having moved, it's been really odd.  Like before, even though me and my 2 old roommates didn't always talk or something even when we were all home you would know there's other people in the apartment.  You can hear the murmur of videos being played on computers, or someone cooking in the kitchen, or someone talking softly on the phone or whatever.  Now though, with just me in my new apartment it's really...weird.  I've been keeping the television on (my new roommate has cable and a tv) almost everytime I'm home, even when I'm not watching just so I have some noise in the room, otherwise it's like...creepy, or just...lonely, I don't know, I don't like using that word.  

I miss my roommate that returned to China even though she just left last Friday, I mean we were really, really good friends, she was a really sweet girl and I don't think it's yet sunk in that I might never see her again.  After she comes back from her trip to China she's going to another city in hopes of having better luck finding a job, and I'll be heading to Japan in December and who knows what afterwards.  I'm really going to miss her a lot, and with all the stress we were both under when she left (she was packing and had to find a way to shove everything she owned into 3 suitcases, and I was packing and moving at the same time) we didn't even really have time to sit down and talk before she left ;A;

I kind of want the old days back, it was comfortable in the old apartment with my 2 old roommates, since we were all friends before we became roommates we never felt strange around each other.  I like my new roommate, she's very nice and all, but because I just met her we're still in that being super-polite to each other stage so I don't feel quite at home in this new apartment (plus I'm subletting from her so I keep feeling this is still her apartment and I'm afraid of disturbing her stuff and other things like that).   I went back to the old apartment yesterday to do some final cleaning before my Japanese roommate returns today and one of the new tenants takes over my room in September and I saw the teddy bear my Chinese friend left on her bed.  She said she really wanted to take the bear with her because whenever she felt down or cried she'd hold the bear, but she couldn't because her luggage wouldn't fit.  I just held the bear and really wanted to cry, the apartment just looked so empty with her and my stuff all gone and I know that she's gone too.

I know I really shouldn't be feeling this way, I mean it's not like anything bad's happened, she's back in China with her family and friends, I have a great new roommate.  Besides, in the future I think I'll be moving around a lot more considering I'll have to go to Japan, meet new people, and most likely one day have to leave them and possibly go elsewhere.  I mean that's like in the 21st century right?  And the more friends one has all over the world the better since then no matter where you go you'll be surrounded by friends, but still it's just weird after having gotten used to living a certain way for so long.  Even when I went back to my old apartment yesterday when I opened the door I thought to myself "Ah, I'm home~" when thinking back, that's not really my home anymore.

*Sigh*  I don't think this bouncing around lifestyle's for me, I think in the future I'd like a job where I can stay mostly in one place and not have to move. I mean I wouldn't mind going away for awhile for conferences or whatnot, business trips and stuff, but having to actually leave friends behind and move is too much hassle.  Plus I'm a packrat, so I always end up with way too much stuff that makes moving a pain.
Tags: moving, rl, roomate
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