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April 12th, 2009

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12:32 am - T^T

If I ever do become a mother (heaven forbid) I'd never live up to my mom's standards.  Just as I've been gnawing my insides with worry over what I'm going to do if I can't find a summer job until I go to Japan in September (I have enough money to stay here until the end of June) my phone call to mommy to wish her a happy b-day totally made it all better.  She said if I can't find a summer job I can go home (to her place) for July and August, and she'll pay for the rent for those 2 months (not that she hasn't been paying for everything already for my 4 years of university, minus what I've gotten through my student loans).

I wanted to cry and tell her that I love, love, love her so much and that I feel so damn useless that I can't even find a bloody summer job after 4 years of university and that after all the money she's spent on raising me she still has to spend more when it's about time I should be re-paying her, but on the phone I was such a numb-nut and just "hn"-ed and "okay"-ed the whole time ;A;!!  Thinking back on how much time, money and effort she's put into raising me and putting up with me for 22 years now I think if I was in her position I'd be cursing myself out for being so damned useless T^T

Every single time I run into trouble, she comes to the rescue.  She's like that brick wall that I keep leaning on and I WANT to start being someone SHE can lean on instead, but it's not working >__<  I'm so afraid that by the time I get my act together and finally BE in a position where she can depend on me instead of the other way around she won't even be here anymore ;A;

Mommmmyyyyyyyyy!  Your daughter loves you, she just can't say the words.

妈妈,女儿从小没有用中文对你说过‘我爱你’。 你曾经告诉过我在中国文化里这三个字不是常说的,在我们的文化里‘打是疼骂是爱’。你跟我说,姥姥对你一生也没说过这三个字,你也没有对她说过可是不说不等于不爱。可是现在女儿想对你说,却说不出口,想做些事好能让你知道,却没有能力做得到,急得我眼睛里直流眼泪。本来想毕业了以后,找到了这个去日本教书的工作,终于能让你省点儿心了,没想到临走前还是得依靠你 >__<  女儿怎么好像就老是长不大呢??
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(5 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:April 12th, 2009 05:42 pm (UTC)
Yebo... what can we do without moms...

And i do hope you'll have a great time in Japan!!
[User Picture]
Date:April 13th, 2009 03:13 am (UTC)
It's so true, I can't imagine having grown into who I am today without all the support my mom's given me and it makes me feel so...bad for all the kids that have had to grow up without a similar role-model in their life. It's like everyone else has their own thing going on, even the best of friends they have their own problems and worries to be concerned over but my mom, if I ever need help she's never too busy with her own concerns to help me.

Thanks, I hope so too :D
[User Picture]
Date:April 13th, 2009 09:08 am (UTC)
My dad shaped me a lot, too. May he rest in peace...
[User Picture]
Date:April 13th, 2009 02:11 pm (UTC)
For local stuff, you should check the government for student summer job programs. I know of the main one in Quebec but not for anywhere else -- said Quebec program did get me a 14$/hr job for the summer in the government.

If that doesn't work/exist, check out temp agencies. I would suggest Excel, Prologic and Calian.
[User Picture]
Date:April 13th, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
I've been checking those along with the non-student job postings, but it kind of sucks because a lot of the student summer jobs requires you to be enrolled for a full-time semester next term and since I'm graduating after my exams in April I don't qualify anymore ;A;

I've signed up with a few placement agencies too, Randstad, AIM Group, Maxsys, etc. I think maybe I just have to up my game and start calling them every other day or something until they get so tired of me they find me a job just to get me to stop calling, lol.

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