koneko_desu (koneko_desu) wrote,

Before and after photos~

Time for before and after photos~!! 

Last year, April of 2007 I looked like this (photo taken roommate Angela, we were on an outting that day :D).  Whee~ kitty ears:

Today, I did a self-taken photo (because I'm bored...Easter weekend has been tediously boring even though I have 3 assignments to write;___;):

HAHA!!! SUCCESS!!  I remember my reaction upon first seeing that photo of myself from last year, I barely resisted from bursting into tears.  I mean I had always been a bit chubby, a few pounds above the average weight for my height, but never in the "completely overweight" category.  Just before last summer I was at the highest point of my weight, 167lbs (I'm 5'1'' in height), and I remember extremely clearly my sense of hopelessness that I would ever get my weight under control again. 

The scary thing was though, until I saw that photo Angela took of me, I was still fooling myself thinking I was fine.  I mean I'd look in the mirror in the morning and be like "Oh yeah I'm a bit chubby, no more than usual, look I have a waist still :D"  and whenever I took photos of myself I'd always (of course) be super cautious of how I posed and such to make myself look fine (ie. pushing my head forward or tilting my chin upwards to avoid the double-chin sneaking into the photo).  Trouble is, that meant I kept lying to myself that my weight wasn't an issue when all the evidence pointed otherwise.  My pants weren't fitting, sitting down I'd sometimes actually have a bit of trouble breathing, hard to catch my breath, etc., etc.  Freaky that one can really fool oneself like that, I guess that's what the anorexias see, except the opposite, when they look in the mirror eh?  I never would have believed it was possible to play optical illusions on yourself like that if it didn't happen to me D:

So, this morning I weighed in at 134lbs, V.I.C.T.O.R.Y.!!  My ideal weight is to be between 120-125lbs, so I have a bit more of a road to go this summer, but damn it feels good :DD  I can see my damn collar-bones!! XDD  And I can breathe in my pants again.  A bit of a superficial reason to feel so excited and victorious (well yeah, there's the health aspect...that kind of just gets tossed to the side on this issue most of the time though, even though it should be the most important reason ^^;;), but I think this is one of my biggest accomplishments so far (especially since it took a year to achieve...usually my attention span lasts a week and that's it <___<).
Tags: photos, rl, weight
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