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December 23rd, 2007

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12:15 pm - Homesick...for Ottawa.
Freaking...this holiday's not starting out good, 3 days at home, 2 lectures already, wtf.

I thought the novelty of having me home would last at least a week before the lectures started, nope.
Here's a little background about my some-what unusual situation with my mom's current house and my craptastic day.

Ok, in June 2005, I graduated from high school from a city called London (Ontario...not the one in England).  I had lived in London from grade 6-12, so 6 years, a pretty long time, and all of the friends I knew lived in that city.  From January 2005 - June 2005, my mom started working in this little town about an hour from London, let's call it town 'X'.  To save on gas money and having to drive an hour to work and an hour home everyday, my mom rented a place (like a room in someone's house) in this town 'X' and during the week (Monday-Friday) she'd stay in this town and only come home on the weekend.

One day, sometime in either May or early June 2005, my mom came home to our apartment in London and surprised me with the news that she had bought a house in a...village about 10-20 minutes away from town 'X' (this village had a grand total population of 800 people, town 'X' has maybe 1000 people in population).  Did she consult me?  Nope.  Did she ask me to help her check the place out before she bought it?  Nope.  But whatever, I mean it's her house right?  And I was headed for university in September of 2005 anyway so it's not like I was going to be living in this new house a lot.  For the summer of 2005 (July and August) I went back to China to visit my dad and all my family over there (here in Canada it's just me and my mom so all my other relatives are still in China).  That means my mom pretty much made the move from London to this new house by herself.

I came back from China at the end of August, about a week before university started, and finally got to see this new house.  It didn't impress me too much, the place is quite old, the stairs creaked, the doors didn't close right unless you really gave it a push/pull, it was just all in all, an old house.  A lot of maintenance needed to be done on it, there were leaks and problems everywhere, overall not a house I'd buy if it was up to me...putting aside the issue that it's situated in a village of 800 people.  But again, I was only here for about a week before off I went for university.

During my first year in university, I came "home" to spend Christmas with my mom for about a week and a half.  Then for the summer of 2006, I came back to this house for the 4 months we get for summer vacation and found a job at a local factory checking car parts (fun stuff).  For my second year, 2006/2007 I didn't come home for Christmas, instead my mom went up to Ottawa to visit me for a week, and I spent the summer of 2007 volunteering and taking some summer courses in Ottawa, so again I didn't come "home". 

Now, if my math doesn't fail me, that means I've spent a grand total of around 5 months in this house in this little village of 800 people.  All my friends are either in London where I went to high school (and some portions of elementary school) or in Ottawa where I'm attending university.  I know no one in this village, and since there's no public transportation in this darling place I can't get around to malls or what-not (not that it's fun to shop or wander around in some strange village anyway).

So...is it unreasonable of me to say that this place...this house...does not feel like HOME to me?  I can't sleep all day if I wanted to, I can't sleep at the usual whee hours of the morning if I wanted to, I can't eat or not eat whenever I want to because mom's waking me up in the morning, telling me to go to bed at night and making the usual 3 meals a day whether I'm hungry or not and heaven forbid I tell her I'm not hungry and therefore feel like missing a meal.  If I did along comes the lecture on needing to eat right and not starving myself to lose weight, which is completely not the issue because I've survived on 1-2 meal(s) a day plus snacks for over a year now living in Ottawa by myself with roomies...I mean we all do that, what student eats the 'usual' 3 meals a day?? 

Excuse my language but how the F**K do I deal with this after living with friends for the past...year or more, getting to sleep whenever I want, wake-up whenever I want (classes permitting), eat whenever I want, eat however much I want, etc., etc., etc.????  On top of that, I don't have friends to visit or talk to or hang out with or catch up with, if I want to my mom has to drive me about an hour into London which is a pain in the a**, I'm stuck in this nowhere place for TWO BLOODY WEEKS.  WHY THE HELL DID I PLAN TO SPEND TWO BLOODY WEEKS HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  I've been here for 3 days, and already my mom's given me TWO lectures on how my social circles in Ottawa are too small and narrow and I need to broaden my networks/connections and I need to start looking for jobs and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  There is absolutely NOTHING to do in this house except watch tv (garbage tv that has nothing good on), read my mangas (which I can't do when mom's home because locking myself up in my storage space...oh excuse me, my room, kind of nulls the point of coming "home" for the holidays to spend it with the mom), and...that's it.

This is ridiculous, 3 days in and I want to go home to Ottawa, where my REAL home is, where my friends are, where I can do what I want, when I want, where I can watch 'Zuka all day and enjoy it, where I can watch anime for hours and no one comes in to tell me I need to grow up, where I can hop on a bus and head for the local mall to enjoy the decorations and the holiday hectic-ness, where I can call up friends and hang out or go out for a grab to bite together.  I didn't sit on a bus for 10 hours to come "home" for 2 weeks of this, I swear if she starts in on another lecture on ANYTHING before this week is up I'm heading back to Ottawa on the next bus out.  Or I'm going to pack my bags and go sleep-over at a friend's place in London for the remaining week.  I'm never coming back to this place to spend another holidays or ANYTHING ever again after this year, this is it.  If my mom wants to see me she can come up to Ottawa to visit me, I don't care, this is the most stupid waste of 2 weeks when I COULD and SHOULD be relaxing and enjoying myself before another semester is upon me.

I feel like I'm going to freaking cry, I shouldn't have come back here for these 2 weeks dammit, I should've, at the most, planned to come back for a week and spent the other week visiting Toronto or Montreal or...just staying in Ottawa.  There're friends in Ottawa that I haven't had a chance to see for a long time due to the craziness of exams and school, instead I'm here.  I'm always going to be treated like a kid where my mom's concerned, which is predictable but becoming annoying for me after being on my own for so long.  This sucks, it really sucks.  God after writing this entry I want to go back to Ottawa more than before even...I'll brave the -20 weather, I'll risk slipping on my ass while wobbling in the snow to get to places, I want to go home, my real home.  I can't wait until January 5th for that 10 hour bus ride back to Ottawa. 

[EDIT1]:  Anyone taken a TESOL course with Oxford Seminars before?  I was thinking about taking one and then teach English abroad for a year or something...want to get away from university and all the books and studying for a bit, earn some money, feel a little more useful about myself.

Ideally my plan for this coming year is
1) Take a TESOL course in March or April
2) From May-August (summer vacation months) find a job in Ottawa somehow related to my program (so not in retail or anything...but something a little higher up on the career ladder)
3) Teach abroad for a year starting in September (so put off finishing my last year of university for a year and use it to teach).

The main concerns I have though are;
(a) whether or now I can find a satisfactory job for the coming summer
(b) does university allow me to put off my studies for a full year (I'm pretty sure they allow it for at least one semester...but I'm not sure if they allow it for a full year)

Anyone have relatives or connections to anyone working in an international organization and can hook me up with a job interview for a job for this coming summer?  I don't care if I have to travel across the globe for the position, I don't care if it pays minimum wage, heck even if it's a volunteer position I'd be willing to look into it.  As long as it has something to do with international relations/international development, I'm willing to give it a shot~   I hate this whole using connections thing...but it looks like I've gotta play this game, emailing/handing out resumes just isn't enough.

I feel bloody useless after my mom's lecture, can't wait until the day I find myself a steady job and can become completely independent from mom because as much as I b*tch about being independent, until I can support myself financially I'm not fully independent.  My mom was saying the other day how after I finish university she's going to sell this house and buy another one close to wherever I find my first job, then I can live at home and save having to pay rent for an apartment and instead use that money to pay back my student loan, at least for the first 2 or 3 years until I'm on my feet.  At that time I thought it was a good idea, bit of a blow to the pride, but a good idea, now though, thinking about living 2-3 years under the roof of my mom's house...uh no, no, no, no, I'll take a few years longer to pay back my loan but I'm NOT moving in with my mom, no, no, no.

Ok, looking up, friends always make the day brighter, parents tend to generally make it darker.  Anyway, caught up with _pseudonym and had a nice long chat over the phone with her.  The new plan?  Head to Toronto together next week and escape both our families.  I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I'm not staying here in this nowhere place listening to her lecture me on what I'm already perfectly aware of for 2 more weeks.  No way, no how.  I'll show her my love later when I have a good, solid job and can come home and visit her for 2 weeks without her needing to lecture me on anything anymore, or more preferably I'll earn enough to help her buy a house in the city so we can forget this dinky place of nowhere-dom.

James if you happen to read this, this change in plans means I won't have time to stay in London and hang out as I'll be leaving for Toronto next Tuesday (January 1st) and as much as she's irritated me I do still want to spend the rest of this week at least with my mom.  Just giving you a heads up~

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(9 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:December 23rd, 2007 07:40 pm (UTC)
I have to say that minus the random buying of a house, my situation is a lot like your's but with minor adjustments.

Not sure if you've seen one of my recent posts, but this house I've called home for like 17 years of my life, I refuse to call my "home" any longer. My mom drives me absolutely crazy (as seen in my most recent post). Dx It's really boring here too. I was supposed to be doing something with my cousin but she hasn't called me so I've been watching anime all day (not sure your internet connection, but I'm living off of http://www.crunchyroll.com right now xD).

My home is more with my boyfriend. ^_^ Though not really since I'm not paying rent nor moving my stuff in since I have to go back to DC in January.

Think of it this way... I have 4-5 weeks off from school so at least it's only 2 weeks. :3
[User Picture]
Date:December 23rd, 2007 07:56 pm (UTC)
I just went and read your post, wow, talk about deja vu lol. And I just read another post from another friend that was bitching about the parents too...misery loves company or what XD It's ironic this is suppose to be like, the most joyous time of year and we're all bitching lol, I think I preferred the stressed out, sleep-deprived exam period, that's how bad it is. It's always something, before it was too much money and time on anime, then manga, then conventions, then not having a part-time job (this was in high school), then not saving any of the money I earned, more lectures on anime/manga/conventions, then the weight, and now it's picking on my choice of friends and networking/connections, there's never an end. I can be like, a billionaire with the best job in the world and win 10 noble prizes and she'd probably pick at how messy my room is or something x___X
Date:December 23rd, 2007 08:23 pm (UTC)
Um, well... I was kinda wanting to go to Toronto for a few days next week. I think it'll just be me, myself, and I... because I really need time away from this God-forsaken household. *dreads the next two days*

And, I totally missed your cellphone message thinger. ^^; I suppose I forgot to tell you that I don't really use my cellphone much at all any more. Can't call friends if you don't have any! So, yeah, if you're wanting to get away for a bit, I will hopefully be going to TO or something. I don't care if I have to get a hotel room or something for a few days. I am so ready to tear my hair out. Misery loves company~!

And, I agree that freedom is so worth an extra year or two of paying off loans. I am out of this house as soon as my degree is finished next April and yeah, it'll take me way longer to pay back some debt, but sanity is worth it, isn't it?

*pats* Hope the next couple of days go alright for you!
Date:December 23rd, 2007 08:24 pm (UTC)
And dude, I so wish you'd gotten into Takarazuka while I was in Japan. Magazines and merchandise were easier (well, somewhat difficult, but easier than here) to get. ANd I could've taken pictures of the theatres and stuff. ;_;
Date:December 23rd, 2007 08:37 pm (UTC)
Wow. If it makes you feel any better, several of my friends' parents have pulled this on them this year or last. ^_^; Communication, as ever, would be nice though...
[User Picture]
Date:December 23rd, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC)
awwwwwwwwwwww *hugs*.. oh man, i'm going back to toronto tomorrow.. and even though i've lived there for 18 years (the last three were in ottawa, basically, lol).. i don't call it home anymore either (like cavechan said).. i absolutely sympathise with you when you said you missed your "real" home in ottawa. i was absolutely distraught when i left ottawa last year. cheer up, kiddo! you'll be back soon enough. two weeks goes by a lot more quickly than eight months. :P
(Deleted comment)
Date:December 24th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
NP Mengya! Anyways, McGill starts up on the 2nd, so it leaves little time for fun, now does it? It was super-cool hearing your voice over the phone for the 1st time in more than 2 years!Like I mentioned last night, maybe we can all head up to Ottawa & visit during reading week?!I hope you have fun in Toronto next week!!-Much love,James
[User Picture]
Date:December 25th, 2007 05:30 am (UTC)
Agree with you there. You miss your parents/"home" until you see them again, when the lectures/arguments start to remind you of why you left in the first place--why you were so happy to leave. x_X?

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